


Chalant Jr

by inabodycastofglass



Series: Old works [32]
Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, ten years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 15:18:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13616106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inabodycastofglass/pseuds/inabodycastofglass
Summary: The bat boys always had a thing for strong, most of the time older women.





	Chalant Jr

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after Intervention based on a tumblr post I saw.

The bat boys always had a thing for strong, most of the time older women. Bruce had been with Talia, Selina, and even Diana in turn. Jason fawned hopelessly over Artemis [it was as cute as the brat got]. Dick had been intimate with Zatanna, Raquel, and Barbara, and even shared a kiss with Selina [which he never told Bruce about, but Dick knew he knew anyway].

So when he saw Tim staring at Zatanna while she meditated, lost in her while standing right in the middle of the room, Dick couldn’t say he was really surprised. The boy had been so obsessed with being perfect after Jason, the only thing that surprised him was that Tim even allowed himself a crush.

"Protecting her from danger while she’s in the zone?“

Tim literally jumped, pulled his bo staff out of his jacket, and swung it at Dick. He looked relieved for a moment when Dick caught it, then went back to his usually stoic expression, which really just made him look angry and unapproachable.

"Don’t be ridiculous.” He collapsed his staff and put it back in it’s holster. “She doesn’t need protecting.” He looked back at her, his brows going back to their normal shape (well, pre-Robin shape). “You know that more than anyone.”

"Yeah.“ Dick leaned against the doorjamb, his arms crossed. "But it still makes you feel at least a little bit manly.”

Tim looked at him, his lashes visible over the tops of his sunglasses.

Dick shrugged. “Kinda hard not to like that.” He motioned toward her with his head.

"Doesn’t matter.“ Tim stuffed his hands into his pockets, having to readjust one into one that only allowed access to three of his fingers. "She dated you, I’m not exactly her type. Besides, she’s five years older than me.”

"Barbara’s four years older than me.“

Time didn’t look at him, but dick saw the way his chest stopped moving as he stopped breathing as he held his breath. Dick put a hand on his shoulder and Tim took a deep, visible breath.

"You’re a sensitive guy. You don’t realize how much she needs that. You won’t be upset when she calls you at five in the morning, crying when you have an exam in a couple hours. In fact, you’d jump at the chance to help her.”

"She does that?“

"Pretty often. I still get calls, and it’s been two years.”

Tim took another breath. “Is it because her father’s Doctor Fate now?”

Dick stared at the back of his head. None of the newer members after Rocket knew about Zatara. But he really wasn’t that surprised Tim knew. When it came to physical ability, Dick had him beat ten-to-one, but Tim was a much better detective than Dick ever was, or ever would be.

"That’s part of it.“

He just nodded once.

"Just stay sweet. She likes the sappy stuff.”

He knew Tim looked back at him as he left. He just hoped he was right about Zatanna. He used to be able to read her like a book, but over the past year, since this mission started, it was all he could understand. If he was wrong, he’d just given Tim a whole lot of false hope, and the kid deserved to be happy, at least once in his life.

* * *

The sun had set hours ago and she was still meditating. Tim didn’t know much about magic, but he knew from M'gann that even something so simple took a lot out of a person. He hoped she was all right.

He saw her hair fall to her back and sat up straight. When he saw her tilt back he ran to catch her, sliding on his knees to do so. He tightened his jaw at the stiffness of his body after nearly six hours of sitting in a single position.

She opened her eyes and looked at him. They seemed so empty when yesterday they almost looked painfully overflowing. When she spoke, her voice was groggy like she’d actually been sleeping this whole time, which Tim knew to be quite the opposite. She’d probably spent every second actively working on whatever she was doing. “Tim?”

"Hey.“ He smiled at her, despite knowing he should be worried that she knew his name. Dick probably used it when talking with her. Idiot. "How are you feeling?”

She closed her eyes, breathing softly. She felt so relaxed in his arms. “Tired. I had a lot of magic to clear out. Saving Blue took a lot out of me.”

"Clear out?“

She nodded, her eyes still closed. "I have to clear my mind every once and a while of used magic, or else I’ll overfill and go insane.”

That sounded terrifying. “Does it usually take this long?”

"No. I usually do this once a month, but I couldn’t while I was studying the spell or it would have set me back weeks.“

He nodded, knowing she couldn’t see, but having no idea what to say.

She opened her eyes to look at him. They didn’t seem so blank now, but still so empty. He’d never seen them like this. He didn’t know how to respond. "How long have you been here?”

He blushed. All of his training in hiding his expressions and emotions gone now. “Um, a while.”

She didn’t ask him to elaborate. She closed her eyes and smiled, her lips soft. “Will you help me up?”

He did so eagerly, almost picking her up, which he could have done easily. She was very light for someone so… Well… He blushed again.

"I’ll help you to your room.“

She smiled down at him. She was still half a foot taller than him, but it didn’t bother him as much as he thought it would. "Thanks, but I can make it back myself.” Her voice got high at the end, so Tim knew she didn’t want him to leave her alone, she was just worried about burdening him.

"I’d feel better if I did. I’d worry that I’ll find you on the hall floor later. Besides, I don’t have patrol later.“ He knew funny wasn’t his thing. In fact, he was the opposite of funny. But he wanted to make her feel better about receiving his help. He really wanted to help her.

She chuckled lightly. "All right, Boy Wonder. Let’s go.”

She leaned on him heavily and he knew she would have had trouble making this walk alone. If he wasn’t there, would she have just fallen asleep on the meditation room floor?

She took her arm off his shoulder when they reached her room, leaving him to the cold air of the night that he was so used to. He felt his throat clutch at the base.

"Thank you, Tim.“ She leaned against the frame.

"Will you be alright on your own?”

"Oh yeah. I’m just going to sleep for a few days.“

He almost smiled, but he was still worried. "If you’re sure.”

He waited for a response. Even an exasperated “good night, Boy Wonder”. But she leaned down and kissed him on the cheek, making his face explode - quite literally, he was sure - with heat.

"Thank you, Tim. You’re very sweet.“

He just gaped at her, with his mouth open and his eyes wide and his lack of an ability to breathe - which he didn’t think was actually possible, but it was - even after she closed the door.

* * *

She was with Dick again. She was always with Dick. Tim knew he shouldn’t be jealous, and he wasn’t, not really, because Dick had moved on, as much as Dick can move on. And Zatanna, while she would kiss him so openly for his birthday every year, saw him only as a friend.

When he first came to the team, he saw the tension between them. He saw how stiff Dick’s back was when he was with her, and how he always took that deep breath when she left and he thought no one else was around. It was strange that Nightwing, the original Robin, would miss someone just standing in the corner of the room. Then again, Tim had always been hard to notice. Teachers had often marked him as absent when he was sitting right there, in the front row.

He didn’t pay too much attention to Zatanna at first. She was Justice League soon, and he needed to concentrate on the team.

But when he saw her with her eyes wet - not really about to cry, but teary anyway - as she looked at him, and the way she sometimes had trouble breathing, even when she was talking to him (which Dick politely ignored), he realized he wanted to help her.

He’d always been a helper. That’s how he became Robin. Jason died and Batman needed help. It was a no brainier.

But she didn’t accept help. Not from M'gann, or even Artemis, her best friend.

Maybe that’s what got his attention. A strong girl that was also weak. He didn’t understand contradictions, and there was one, dancing in front of his face every day, and he had no way of understanding her.

But that was a year ago, and now they were so easy around each other, like the pain was never there to begin with.

Tim had no reason to be jealous.

And he wasn’t.

But he was.

* * *

Zatanna looked at Tim, the bar sliding awkwardly into its holder. She sat up and took the towel he held out for her. “Why do you want to know?”

He shrugged, looking down slightly, then back up when he realized where his eyes landed. “I was just curious. You two seem so close.”

She picked up a fifty pound dumbbell and began a set of skull crushers. Tim started on a leg press so he didn’t seem like he was just staring at her, which he was really trying not to do.

"We had a strong two years, then a weak one. Eventually I just got tired of trying to make things like they used to. I broke up with him, thinking it would just be a break, but he moved on and things just got awkward and painful. Eventually I just moved on too.“ She let the dumbbell fall to the ground and she rested for the next set. "And before you ask, no, we are not still intimate.”

The press shot his knees back and made an awful clang.

Zatanna laughed. “Sorry, but I know it’s a rumor going around.”

He stared at the press, getting back into the motions. He gave himself an extra set for allowing his concentration to slip. “I don’t listen to social rumors. They’re unreliable.”

"A good thought process to have. Rumors only hurt.“

He looked at her again. Her arms were shaking. He wasn’t sure if it was the strain or a  bad memory. Either way, it wasn’t his place to ask.

"I have another question.”

"You seem to have a lot of them. Shoot.“

"You don’t mind, do you?”

"Is that the question?“

He looked back at the press, blushing again. "No.”

She laughed and he heard her set the dumbbell down again. “Calm down, Boy Wonder. I’m kidding. Don’t take things so seriously. We’re in the weight room, not the field. It’s okay to just talk in here.”

She looked at him and he nodded. He almost believed her, too.

"You spend a lot of time exercising, and you push yourself as hard as Connor or Cassy. But I’ve never seen you use your physical strength in the field, just your spells.“

"So where’s the question?” She finished the set and leaned toward him.

"I guess I just want to know why.“

"Have you ever heard the phrase ‘healthy body, healthy mind’?” She laid down to start another set. “You’ve only seen me fight with the team. You’re mostly made up of close range and direct long range fighters. I have every opportunity to stay back and do my magic thing.” She rested the dumbbell on her stomach. “When I’m out on my own, sometimes I have no choice but to kick and scream.” She held one arm directly in the air and clutched her bicep with the other. “These babies have got me out of countless scrapes.”

He nodded, looking slowly back to the press. “I guess I never thought about it that way.”

"We all have our shortcomings. Even the bat himself can’t see everything.“

"You seem very well rounded and understanding.”

"I had to be after I lost my father. No one else was really there to teach me when I was wrong or right or… anything, really.“ She stood up and went to put the dumbbell away. Her walk was still, the usual sway gone with her easy mood. "All right, Boy Wonder.” She turned around, placing her hand on her hip. “You’re turn.” She pointed to the bench press.

He had to take off a few pounds, which wasn’t as emasculating as Arsenal always made it seem. It just reminded him how young he was compared to her.

He laid down and she stood at his head to spot him.

"Now I have a question for you.“ She hovered her hands under the bar for the first few reps to make sure he had it, probably taking the time to word her question. "What I want to know is why you spend so much time and energy getting to know other people, and never talking about yourself. Even with those of us already acquainted with the Wayne family.”

He didn’t have an answer at first. The automatic response was that he needed to know people. how they worked, what they thought, every bit was important in working with a team. But, of course, that wasn’t what she wanted to know. She had to surprise him with a question who’s answer he’d never before thought about. He’d never had to. “People like talking about themselves. They don’t really like listening to others unless they have a reason to.”

"Mhm. And?“

"And?”

"That explains why you don’t talk to acquaintances. What about friends?“

"I don’t really have any friends.”

She was quiet and Tim wished he’d taken a bit more weight off so he didn’t have to concentrate so much on lifting. Screw this need to impress.

"What about your life as Tim? Do you have any there?“

"Not really. I don’t like having to lie to the people I’m suppose to be close to, so I just decided to skip the whole process.”

"But you must have someone to talk to.“

"I sometimes talked to Dick before.”

"Who do you talk to now?“

He didn’t answer. He was upsetting her enough and didn’t want to tell her the obvious, "no one”.

"Tim, you know I’m always here to come to if anything’s wrong, right?“

He lost control of the weight and almost dropped it on himself. Zatanna reached out and caught it and helped him put it back into its holder. He sat up and looked at her, eyes wide, glasses falling down his nose from sweat. "What?”

She had her arms crossed in front of her, her brows upturned. She pursed her lips before speaking. “You know I see you as a friend, right?”

"I didn’t.“

"Tim…” She took a breath and tried to smile, not doing nearly as good of a job as she probably thought she was. Her face was still lax, and it was very uncomforting. It made Tim feel like he was being pitied rather than showing off her real concern for his emotional well being. 

“We’re friends by now. Please come talk to me if you need to. Excluding missions, I’m always available.”

He stared at her, not knowing what to say. Friends. He didn’t even have those before Robin. Now he had Zatanna. His abdomen clenched and he smiled.

"You too.“

"All right. It’s a deal.” She held out her hand and, for a moment, Tim thought he was suppose to kiss it. But he shook it when that thought passed.

"Great. Now help me with the stretches.“

What? "Okay.”

* * *

Tim never spent enough time socializing as a kid. He was always so comfortable with his comic book friends. They understood him better. Very early on, by the third grade, he understood that the other kids didn’t really care about things they didn’t understand.

But by the time Tim realized his mistake in turning away any and all friendships, it’d been too late to gain those important years of socialization back. Straight up until he became Robin, his life was spent alone or with his family. He’d taken solace in comic books, to fight what he now knew was loneliness. 

So even though this was the second year it happened, he was surprised when Dick gave him a present on his birthday. He was even more surprised when Zatanna gave him one.

"How did you know it was my birthday?“ There was the lack of social skills again. He was suppose to say thank you.

She pointed to Dick, who was grinning like some stupid hyena.

"Dude, you’re welcome.”

Tim glared at him.

Zatanna stood behind him, leaning over his shoulder as he unwrapped the box and his hands almost shook. It was a normal, unlabeled box. He almost thanked her for it, just to try to be funny. When he opened it he nearly dropped an entire stack of old comics. He shuffled through them. There was no particular order to them. There were seven different titles and the issues were completely random, but should cost a small fortune and usually only collectors had them now.

He was on his knees, the issues, in their plastic coverings, were spread about and sorted by title and issue. He’s had a habit of sorting things since he was a kid. He liked order. “How did you get these?”

"I know a guy.“

"They must have cost a fortune!”

"Not really. They were pretty reasonable.“

He looked over at her. She had crouched down next to him, her hands on her knees, smiling at him.

"How did you know I like comic books?”

"I saw some in your bag a couple weeks ago. Not that I was snooping around looking for present ideas or anything, which I wouldn’t have had to do if you’d just talk about yourself every once and awhile, by the way.“

He hadn’t realized he’d been smiling so broadly until he spoke again. "You are undoubtedly the most amazing woman in existence.”

"Aw. You’re the sweetest. Happy birthday, Tim.“ She kissed him on the cheek, making a quiet "muah” sound.

Oh yeah, he loved comic books.

* * *

Tim resisted going into another jewelry store. He wasn’t going to find anything for Zatanna in a jewelry store. he wasn’t going to find anything for her in any store. How do you find a gift for the girl who can just conjure anything she wants just by saying it backwards?

He sighed and sat down on the curb. It was unsanitary, but really, who could care right now! Except maybe Alfred. He glared at his wallet, ready to just chuck the thing. What use was money when it couldn’t even buy a present for a girl?

No, that was wrong. It could buy lots of stupid presents. Really, really stupid presents. But he didn’t want to just get her something that said, “hey, look, you’re a girl and I took notice”.

He saw a kid across the street looking into a candy shop and he was glad he never just looked anything over. The kids clothes were dirty and too big. He knew it wasn’t a ploy by his parents to get pity money by shopkeepers. Those sorts of people usually gave their kids obnoxious amounts of coats and scarves even when the weather didn’t require them and put dirt on their kids faces and hands before sending them out. This boy had a belt that barely kept his pants up and shoes that were too small and pinched his feet, obvious by the way he would drag the sides of the fronts across the ground repeatedly to release the pressure. 

Tim took the important things out of his wallet and put it very loosely in his pocket. He walked past the kid carefully and let it fall.

The kid immediately ran after him to return it.

Tim smiled at the kids pure honesty. He would have to keep his eye on this one. “Thanks. I’m always dropping this, but most people never bring it back.”

The kid’s face was blank, like he didn’t even register what he was hearing. Tim hoped it was purity making thievery impossible to understand and not a lack of food affecting his higher functions.

"Here. You deserve a reward.“ He opened his wallet and pulled out a few bills.

"But I didn’t do anything to earn it.”

"Of course you did. You were a good person. That deserves reward.“ He rolled the bills and curled the boy’s fingers around them. "Go buy yourself some shoes and use the rest on food. Don’t spend it all on candy.”

The boy nodded and ran past the candy store. He took orders well.

Tim put his important stuff back in his wallet.

"I saw that.“

Tim looked up and saw Zatanna with both hands on her hips. He looked back where the boy left to make sure he wasn’t still there. "What are you doing in Gotham?” There was no point in playing stupid. She wouldn’t say anything unless she knew what he’d done.

"I came to talk to Dick, then I saw you sit on the curb. I was going to say hi, but then you started acting strange. So I watched. You know, if you keep giving money away like that, you won’t have any left for yourself.“

"I’m not worried. I don’t need much of anything, anyway. Batman’s already promised to take care of my college. What else beside food do I need?”

She stared at him, shifting her weight to her other foot. “I can’t tell if that’s really mature or really sad.”

He put his hand in his pockets and looked down. “I’d rather not talk about my personal philosophies.”

Zatanna crossed her arms and shifted her weight again. “So no talking about Tim today. What a surprise.”

He wasn’t sure if she was upset by this or not, because she was smiling. She didn’t seem like the type to smile when she was upset, but she’d spent so many years being strong when she didn’t feel that way.

"Tim, I want to ask you something.“

"Hm?”

He looked at her. Her shoulders were slouched and her arms were pulled tight over her chest. He knew he wasn’t going to like this question.

"Why don’t you like talking about yourself? You said people don’t listen, but I think you just don’t try.“

He was right. Her questions were always difficult, but he was starting to think she tried to throw him off.

"I guess…” He took a breath, already losing his composure. “I guess I just get scared.” He looked at her for a moment. Her face was soft, but her lips pursed and lids low. He looked down, pulling his body into himself. “People like me as long as I’m focusing on them, as long as I’m quiet and do things right and keep the order and the peace, as long as I’m perfect. I’m scared that, if I talk about myself, people will get tired of me and hate me.”

"Tim, there is next to nothing you can do to make me hate you.“ She put a hand on his shoulder and he didn’t pull away. "Everyone has faults, everyone has opinions and interests. No one’s perfect. That’s what makes us interesting. You haven’t hated me yet, have you?”

He shook his head, pulling his shoulders forward.

She pulled him into a tight hug and his first thought was that he’d grown closer to her height. His nose was at her jaw now.

"Tim. I promise I won’t hate you. Not for something so… grossly insignificant.“

Tim didn’t hug her back for more than a minute. But she didn’t let go. He was scared of losing control and shaking or crying or- or- or anything stupid or weak.

But he did. As soon as he hugged her back, his body started shaking and he started crying slowly, the kind of crying that was silent and your body just kind of jumped every once and awhile, but you couldn’t stop.

Zatanna took to patting his head, running her hand across his hair and saying "I’m here, everything’s going to be okay.”

* * *

It always came back to her in some way. Every thought, every action, somehow came back to her. “That’s a nice hat. She wears a hat sometimes.” “Bart’s girlfriend laughed at his joke. Zee has a pretty laugh.” “Mr. Freeze is blue. So are her eyes.” Everything.

Or was she just so constantly on his mind that he’d got so used to it until something brought it to his attention?

He would say it was frustrating and maddening and distracting at the most crucial moments - because hey, Zatanna has hair too - to anyone who asked. Not that each and every annoyed statement he came up with wasn’t true. But he would carefully omit that he enjoyed it, too.

He loved thinking about her. He loved that he could see her face at any moment. He loved that her laughter was always so fresh in his mind. He loved the way his body filled before her face even became clear to him, when she was still a disambiguated thought.

And when she was really there, he felt like all of his reactions were out of his control, and it didn’t scare him. Maybe it was the way she pulled him out of himself, without ever trying to hide that she was doing it, but he wasn’t so worried that a misplaced breath was going to shatter everything.

She stared at him the first time she heard him laugh. It was only a moment after he’d done it that he realised that it was. But he didn’t feel so much like she was judging him. After all, it had been, what, two, three years? Three sounded closer now. He was seventeen. So, yes, three years. The best three years of his life.

"You have a great laugh, Tim.“

When had his name started to sound so normal? When had it stopped being some dark secret? Some lie? When did he start being Tim?

He had confided in her once that he hated going home in the mornings, with his legs pulled up to his chest and his glasses off so he could rest his face on his knees. "I hate lying to my dad, but he still thinks I’m the smart loner who’s too busy with school to stray from the golden path. So I play it, just like I play the perfect planner, with the perfect composure here. Only it’s so much more suffocating, and I can’t figure out why.”

She place her hands on his knees. “Oh, Tim. It’s because you love him so much. I feel the same when when I’m with Doctor Fate. Knowing that you can’t protect the ones we love, even when they’ve protect you, it eats you from the inside. You take the burden of their happiness onto yourself because you see, you more than most of us, Tim, you see what love does to a person, and you never want their love for you to hurt them.”

How did she manage to connect the two of them so easily? How did she manage to comfort him by sending herself into tears? And how did she do it so beautifully? By all objective reasoning, she should be considered awkward and unattractive. Her nose was red, and her cheeks blotchy, and her eyes wet, and her lips pulled tight into an awkward U shape, her chin all wrinkly.

But she was beautiful, stunning. It looked like the tears on her face caught the light around her and made her glow. And Tim couldn’t understand how.

He took her hands and kissed them. “Thank you.” He placed them to his forehead. “Really, Zee. Thank you.”

* * *

“He’s a brat who just comes storming in and demands my place as robin like he has some sort of claim to it! And Dick- Dick just gives it to him like I have no say in the matter! I earned my place as Robin! I earned my place by Batman and by Bruce! And I more than earned my place by Dick!”

Tim placed his shaking hand on the wall. He couldn’t breathe. He felt as if his lungs were collapsing inside his chest, like his ribs were being snapped and pushing holes into them with their jagged ends. He took deep breaths to open his throat, to get some air. He was getting dizzy. His ears were ringing.

He slid down to a crouching position, placing his head between his legs, taking deep, even breaths. He wasn’t getting enough air. His breathing sped up and he couldn’t calm himself. He covered his head with his arms, his elbows connected in front of his face. He couldn’t keep his balance and fell backwards onto his bum on the floor like a child.

"It was all I had left and he took it from me.“

His voice was so strong when he was yelling, but now it was so pitiful, quieter than his usual soft spoken phrase. His tears were even quieter, nothing more than a few sniffles and his quickly calming breath. It was like he just broke there, snapping, and now he was halfway to dead.

What a pathetic way to die. He’d wanted to carry on the legend, help people, save the world. He was going to be the world’s greatest detective, even better than Batman. And now he was a broken lump on the floor.

Zatanna sat in front of him, on her knees, and hugged him. her arms wrapped so tightly around him he could feel every separate finger.

He couldn’t find the energy to hug her back, but they’d been in this position enough times to know that she wouldn’t let go until he hugged her back and cried all his frustrations out.

"You haven’t lost everything, Tim. I’m still here. I’m not going to leave you or kick you out, or die. Nothing will separate us. You’ll finish up your last month of school and go to college and we’ll get through this. I’ll help you, every step of the way. I promise, Tim.”

He stared straight ahead. he wished he could say that she was making him feel better, lightening the pressure, but he really just felt numb.

He looked at her through the corner of his eye. All he could see was black hair, smooth and shiny. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against her, taking some sort of solace in the physical feeling of her so close to him.

* * *

Tim looked up at the ceiling, staring at the countless (not really, there were fifty-three-thousand, seven-hundred-and-nine) dots. He usually counted them to fall asleep, but tonight he barely made it past ten before pictures of Zatanna started popping into the corners of his eyes.

Four o'clock. How long had it been since he’d stayed up this late? With school, work, photography club, and the gym, he didn’t have time to stay up too late if he wanted to get all his homework done and still have time to visit Zee once a week.

Could he even do this without her?

He felt her next to him, the bed sinking into her weight, the warmth of her body wafting off onto him, the smell of her…

He knew he was starting to dream. She was at home, asleep. His twin sized bed wouldn’t be able to fit both of them. But half-asleep like this he could almost believe that the day where she would sleep in the same bed as him wasn’t too far off. He smiled at how cliche that sounded.

His phone went off and he was awake. The specter of her gone. The cold that replaced it was still so familiar.

He checked his messages. It was from Zatanna.

“Good night.”

He smiled. He slipped out of bed, pulling on some mismatched pajamas, and grabbing some tea - caffeinated for him, chamomile for her - and left for her house.

He’d happily take the real her over some silly dream any day.

Well, most days. He blushed.

* * *

Tim nearly reached out and grabbed Zatanna’s wrist when she dangled the coupon he’d given her in front of his face. He’d managed to mask his movement as a surprised jump. She knew, of course, but it still made him feel better. He could almost pass as normal.

He took the paper and looked at it. It said “shoulder massage”. He smiled. She didn’t know, but he actually got as much pleasure in relaxing her muscles as she did. Anything that made her feel happy or calm or good had the same effect on him.

The coupons had become a thing between the two of them ever since that first birthday. He’d given her a new set every holiday. At first it was just shoulders, then, in time, it developed  to fully body massages with oils and aromatherapy.

She already had the oil with her. She handed it to him and removed her robe. She’d just got out of the shower and stood in a long, silky black nightdress, with her body natural underneath. It fell perfectly over her curves, making her look like an old Victorian painting. The sides fell down her chest and out over her hips. The front fell over her breasts and tucked under, falling down to the floor. When she turned around to go to the couch, her back was completely bare.

This one was new.

He started boiling some cinnamon sticks, a trick his dad taught him, and dimmed the lights. The CD he used was right next to the player.

He started working on her shoulders like normal. Her skin was so soft. Now he knew she went through two bottles of Avon lotion a month, but after the first time, when his hands first touched her bare skin, he thought it, too, was magic.

He recognized this tenseness, remembered it. It was the worst part about countless hours of training, prowling, and fighting. But it had always been worth it.

She moaned, deep in her throat, which tapered out into almost a whine. She took a breath and her body shifted under his fingers.

He swallowed away his thoughts, which got caught in his throat.

His thumbs slid under the sides of her dress, curving around her ribcage. She inhaled and pulled away from him, her shoulders arching her back backwards.

"What’s wrong?“ He held his arms up.

"Nothing.” She relaxed, breathing deeply. “Just some bruising. I had an unfortunate run in with Poison Ivy last week. Sometimes I have to question the logic behind sending Bart on missions involving her.

"Let me see.”

She complied quite easily, slipping her strap off her shoulder and pulling her dress forward, showing a series of green and yelling bruises all down her side.

"This explains why you just wanted the shoulder massage.“

He studied them, running his fingers over them lightly. These three were all right hand punches, so he probably had her held down for them. This one was a kick with his left foot. Judging by the angling of it, she was on the ground when he did it. These two large ones were speed punches with two hands. His left curled in slightly and he punched with his knuckle, probably from an injury that didn’t heal right as a kid.

"Tim.”

He looked up at her.

"You’re mumbling again.“

"Sorry.”

"Tim.“

She turned to him, adjusting her dress. Tim wasn’t sure which upset him more, the fact that he hadn’t finished examining her bruises, or the no more pretty skin time. She lifted her legs onto the couch between them and took his hands in hers.

"You miss it. Being a hero, fighting with us.”

He didn’t answer her, didn’t look away. She was right, of course. Next to dreams about her, dreams where he was wearing the Robin mask was his most common. He just waited for her to continue.

"Why did you quit?“

"I didn’t. I was fired.”

"That’s why you stopped being Robin. But why did you quit being a hero?“

He had no answer for her. He’d thought about it countless times and didn’t really like the reason he came up with. He was throwing a fit. He was angry and broken when Robin was taken from him, and didn’t want to do anything. Instead he’d just relied on Zatanna to help him from falling even further into depression’s hold, and just took to distracting himself from the pain that never went away.

"You can come back, as Tim, not as some legacy.” She was running her thumbs over the back of his hands. “You can be your own hero, your own person.”

He looked down at their hands.

"Tim, please. I need you.“

He looked up at her, his eyes wide, his breath somewhere else.

There was a knock on the door and Tim’s body lit up with heat. He looked over as it was being opened. He stood up, ready to make sure the person didn’t break into anyone’s house, ever again.

"Zatanna, I need your help. Kiran wants to ‘talk’!”

Oh god, it was Bart.

"Timmy!“ He threw his hands in the air and ran over, hugging him before Tim had the chance to register what he was doing. "I haven’t seen you in months! Where have you been? Am I interrupting something?” He finally looked to Zatanna and what she was wearing.

Yes.

"Not at all, Bart. Tell me what happened.“

He sat between them, forcing Zatanna over, and started talking. Tim probably could have followed, if he cared to.

Maybe it was time he did come back to the hero thing.

* * *

“Thanks for the help. Mind if I pay you back some time?” Arsenal leaned against a brick wall, standing over Zatanna. He smiled with narrowed eyes, leaning over her. He called it confidence, everyone else called it cockiness.

Zatanna folded her arms, taking half a step back. “That depends. Is that help in your pants?”

“Could be out of them.”

"Then I’m gonna have to decline. I have a previous engagement.“

"How about I call you tomorrow?”

"How about you call someone else?“

"Oh, I don’t mind if someone else joins.”

"Back off, Roy.“ Tim stepped up behind him, his hand already on his belt in case trouble started.

Arsenal turned to him, standing up straight. He only stood an inch taller than Tim now. "Go away, boy virgin. The grown ups are talking.”

"Well, you’re acting like a child. She’s not interested.“

"I think she can say if she’s not interested.”

"She did. You’re just not listening.“

"I hear her fine, and those words never came out of her mouth.”

"She doesn’t have to say ‘I’m not interested’ to tell you she’s not interested. She said it in different ways.“

"Boys!”

They both looked at Zatanna. Tim put back the birdarang he’d pulled out, and Arsenal shifted his arm back to normal.

"First of all, 'she’s’ right here.“

Tim looked down, biting the inside of his lip.

"Second, I’m not interested.”

Arsenal looked away, his face slightly red, crossing his arms.

"And third, you’re both acting like children.“

She walked off and Tim wished he could punch himself. He actually wished Arsenal would until he walked off, too, making Tim wish he’d just minded his own business.

* * *

"Zee told me what you did today. Nice.”

Tim didn’t bother looking over at Artemis as she changed the channel on him. She’d become such a constant part of his life since he and Zatanna had become friends, real friends, that he could tell what expression she was wearing by the tone of her voice.

He made a grunting, humming noise in response.

"All right, spill. What’s bothering you?“

"Why do girls get mad when you try to help them? I mean, I know she could have handled it herself, but he was really bothering me. She said no, she meant no.”

"You sure your feelings for her didn’t affect the situation?“

He looked at her.

"Not exactly a secret.”

He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them. “Well, yeah, I like her, but I would have done the same for anyone else. Of course it’s important because it’s her, but it’s also important because it’s right. He was trying to pressure her into sex. It’s not okay.”

He sat up straight, his feet dropping to the floor loudly. He barely noticed. “I’ve seen girls in abusive relationships and no one has said anything. You know what happens? She keeps getting abused until she dies, either by suicide, or because he kills her, or she goes into hiding. Either way, he abuses the kids, and they usually grow up to be abused or abuse others, and the cycle never stops. And these guys never listen to the girls they’re trying to abuse, so I stepped up, thinking he might listen to me. Why is that so wrong?”

His fingers felt like they were going to break and the knee he’d been tapping. Even his breathing was deep and quick. How had he lost so much control?

He felt something touch his face and he turned around, grabbing for whoever’s throat.

He let go of Zatanna’s wrist, which she’d held out just in time, and scooted back. He was breathing quickly, near hyperventilating. He’d almost hurt her. It wouldn’t have been anything serious, but that knowledge did nothing to reassure him.

But she was smiling at him. Why?

"Thank you, Tim. I hadn’t considered what you were really thinking. I guess-“ She sighed, leaning over the side of the couch. His eyes trailed her body for a second. She was looking at him when he looked back to her face. "I guess I was just tired of having guys come to my rescue.”

"What?“

She smiled. It looked flirty. "I’m a famous magician, Tim. I stand on a stage in my costume for four hours a night. Stupid guys get stupid ideas.”

He pushed his jealousy aside, relaxing his shoulders and hands. “So you’re not upset with me?”

"No. You’re safe. No curses or spells turning you into a woman.“

What scared him most is she was probably seriously considering it.

She sat between Artemis and him, crossing her legs and placing an arm on the back of the couch, behind Artemis.

He watched her, the top of his stomach boiling hot, his chest heating. Her hand sat on her leg and he wanted to take it and kiss it. His head felt white. But now wasn’t the time.

How long, he wondered, had she been there?

* * *

Tim landed behind the large bolder where the rest of the team were hiding from fire. One of his wing strips broke off, so he snapped the mirrored one to keep as much balance as possible.

"Superboy, you take Mammoth head on. Wondergirl, you come in from the side when Superboy has him engaged. Let him know you’re coming, it’ll distract him. Starfire, you and Static have gizmo. Destroy his mech any way you can. Zatanna, you- Zatanna?“

She smiled and waved.

"What are you doing here?”

"Like I was gonna miss your great return to the team. By the way, you fall into the leadership role quite nicely.“

"Can you two save the flirting for later? We’re kind of busy at the moment.” Conner threw a bolder the size of Tim’s torso at Mammoth and jumped back behind the bolder.

"Right. Sorry. Zatanna, you and I have Jinx. I’ll engage her from above. You stay hidden until she realises what you’re doing. Everyone got the plan?“ They did. "Good. Go.”

The team ran out, half of them screaming. Cassie put a hand on Tim’s shoulder. “It’s good to have you back, Man Wonder.”

He smiled. “Good to be back, Champion.” He turned back to Zatanna once he heard Cassie screaming. “All right. I’m heading in from the left. You stay back here. I’ll radio her movem-”

Zatanna kissed him. Grabbed him by the front of his shirt and kissed him. He wasn’t Dick. This wasn’t in the realm of casual flirting anymore. She knew that. But then?

He was breathing heavily when they stopped. Apparently he held his breath when kissing.

"See you after the battle, ‘Man Wonder’.“ She smirked at him, looking at him from a downward tilted face, and ran behind another boulder where she could keep a better eye on the fighting without being seen.

What?

* * *

Tim finished closing the reinforced steel cuffs on Mammoth and turned to the others. “Good work, Team. We got this one with minimal damage to both the enemy and the landscape. You guys must have done some intense training while I was gone.”

"Well, yeah.“ Conner dropped Gizmo carelessly on Mammoth. "With both you and Nightwing gone, we’re not exactly the most focused group.”

Tim grinned. “There’s the understatement of the year.”

Someone screamed. Cassie.

Kori was first to her side. She called Tim’s name, but he was already there, leaning over Zatanna’s body. She was unconscious and her breathing was shallow. Her shirt was ripped at her waist and blood was pooling at the ground around his knees visibly fast. Or had time speed up? He touched the cut. It was wide and hot.

He pulled off his shirt, his cowl hitting the ground. He didn’t even notice he wasn’t wearing it anymore. He pressed his shirt into her side to stop the bleeding. “I need Alfred.” Alfred would know what to do. Alfred always knows what to do. Why wasn’t Alfred here?

He started to repeat her name. “Don’t leave me. I need you. Zatanna. God damnit, wake up.”

"I can help.“

He barely registered looking up, barely saw the black come out of the ground, of the girl come out of the black. He didn’t think to ask who she was, or how she could help, or at what price. Just of Zatanna, pale and sweating.

"Help her. Please.”

She nodded, dropping to her knees beside her. She placed her hands over Zatanna’s stomach, a faint purple, almost black glow emanated from them, and Tim felt a chill.

Cassie pulled him up and away, to a rock where she sat him, out of sight, where Conner and the others joined them.

He waited with his back hunched over and his head in his hands where time played with him. He was sure it was night when the stranger came to them, saying “it is done”, but when he looked up and the sun was still high.

He ran to Zatanna. Her face had colour and her breathing had evened out. She looked like she was sleeping, her knees pulled together and laid to the side, her hands placed on her stomach, and her head facing toward him.

"She will wake up when she regains her energy. Her scar will remain, but there will be no further damage to her body.“

Tim leaned over her, taking both of her hands as gently as he could muster, and placed his head on her chest, taking a deep, very deep breath. He could feel her breathing. "Thank you.” His voice cracked on “thank” and you could barely hear the “you”, his body shaking.

"Who are you?“ Kori walked over to her. "What’s your name?”

"I’m…“ She looked down. "Raven.”

"Well, Raven. Thank you. I’m Conner.“ He stepped beside her. "This is Kori, Cassie, Virgil, Zatanna - obviously, and Tim.”

He didn’t look up at her and greet her like the others did.

Conner pulled his com link out of his ear, wiped it on his shirt, and handed it to her. “If you ever want, or need to, you’re welcome on our team.”

She stared at the link in her hand. “I- Thank you, Conner. I will… consider it.”

"That’s is all we can ask.“ Kori put a hand on her shoulder. "This team is very friendly, made up largely of strays. Many of us have no family to speak of, so we have bonded together to form our own. You are welcome to join it.”

She nodded, smiling lightly. Her hand curled around the com link. She stepped back and disappeared back in the black.“

* * *

Kori slipped her hand around Zatanna’s waist. Automatically the two girl were wrapped around each other. It was nothing too intimate, but it was obvious they were doing it to rile Dick up. Kori had been trying to get Dick’s attention since day one, brushing everyone elses attempts off as casual flirting, even Arsenal.

Zatanna just enjoyed flirting, and it didn’t matter with whom, as long as they weren’t serious.

Dick crossed his arms, having to fumble with them since they wouldn’t fold together properly.

Kori kissed Zatanna’s cheek, turning Zee’s head toward Tim. When she opened her eyes and saw him looking at her, she tilted her head down and fluttered her eyes at him, biting her lip.

He couldn’t breathe. He left the room, running his hand across the wall as he made his way down the too long hall. What was going on? Ever since that kiss he’d been unable to handle even the smallest bit of flirting. Even a casual wink had his face red.

"Tim?“

He turned around and saw her in the doorway. He felt his legs go wobbly. "Yes?” His voice was a high-pitched, breathy squeak. He swallowed and tried again. “Yes?”

She closed the door and walked toward him, the clunk of her heels echoing around them. His chest grew hot at the sound.

"We need to talk.“

No thanks. "Talk?”

"Now’s not the time for you to play dumb, Tim.“ She stood right in front of him. When had be grown taller than her? He had to be four inches taller now. "It’s been a week since we kissed and you practically flee the room every time I’m in it. I really don’t like being blown off like this.”

He would have thought she was mad if he were anyone else. But he saw the way her fingers curled inwards instead of naturally around her hips, and the way she stood with her feet together, knees touching. She was hurt and feeling insecure. It probably took a lot to make that move when Tim showed no signs of wanting to take things forward. God, he was an idiot.

"If you don’t want to be with me, be a man and say something. Don’t just run away.“

"Zee, what? No. God no.“ Me grabbed her arms, just below her shoulders, and leaned toward her. "It’s nothing like that. It’s just- I just-” He made a frustrated noise. “I don’t expect this to happen. I don’t know what to do or how to respond. I never thought that this- that you-” He closed his eyes and took a breath, wording his thoughts. “Zee, I like you. I have since I was fourteen. I never thought that you could like me. And ever since you kissed me, I’ve been trying to work through these things. And everytime I see you, I get all flustered and don’t know what’s going on. It’s- it’s overwhelming.”

She grinned at him, her eyes wet. “Why didn’t you just say so?”

He smiled, resting his head against hers.

"Tim?“

"Yeah, Zee?”

"Ssik em.“

* * *

Zatanna wasn’t one for sweet things, but she was the only one (aside from Alfred, but he knew more than Bruce) who knew of Tim’s weakness for them. When she handed him large bags of assorted candy, the two of them would joke about how she was trying to make him fat so she could take his position as Red Robin, and take over the world. Zatanna always ended it by reminding him that it was too much effort, and that she could just poison is food.

Tim knew it was just playful banter, but he also knew she could. He trusted her too much. Besides, she could easily mask the taste with the amount of sugar he took in his drinks.

She held his tea out for him, leaning over the back of the couch. The hand she used to support herself brushed the back of his arm. She played with the material of his shirt with two fingers. Her hair hung down the sides of her face, blocking her mouth from his view. Her stomach was pressed against the back, a leg up to help her lean forward.

She looked over at him, her hair slipping with the turn of her head. He saw her smiling at him. He let out one, slow breath until his lungs were empty and he kissed her.

He sat the cup down on the side table and wrapped his arms around her chest, careful not to smile and give himself away. He pulled her sharply over the back of the couch and onto it. Her legs swung over and hit the arm rest and she screamed, her voice very high pitched.

He laughed, his head resting on the back of the couch.

"You jerk!“ She pushed herself up and hit him with a pillow. "Don’t surprise me like that!”

he blocked her with both arms. “But you love surprises.”

"Yeah. Presents and kisses and massages. Not getting flipped over a couch.“

He held her arms back and kissed her. She sighed and melted into it, her chest falling forward into his.

"How was that.”

"Good, but you can still do better.“

He gasped, pulling back. "I’m offended. How could you say such a thing?”

"Don’t get your tights in a twist, boy wonder. I’ll teach you.“

"I’m glad Dick’s not here. Knowing him he’d make some stupid comment about porn.”

She giggled, falling into his chest. “He would!”

She looked up at him, grinning. “Hey, Tim. Ever made out in a couch fort?”

* * *

The first time they slept together she cried. He thought he’d done something wrong, but she told him over and over that she was fine, he was good, this was just a thing she did. It wasn’t his “fault” she cared about him so much. Her emotions just swelled up and when they slept together they just burst out in a rush, making her cry.

He still held her face in both hands, cupping it so gently his fingers tapped her cheeks as they shook, and stared into her eyes, looking between both of them, and looking like he was about to cry.

She kissed him. He took a deep breath, wrapping his hands around her waist, pulling her closer to him, making her cry more.

“I love you, Zatanna.” He ran his hand over her hair slowly, lacing his fingers at the end. “God I love you. I’ve loved you for so long.” He held her tight, flush to his body, his face buried in her sweat soaked neck. “I never thought we’d be here. I loved you too much to think…”

“That I could love you back?” She smiled. She let out a chuckle in a breath on his neck. “You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

“I mean, when you first kissed me, that I could understand. But I thought it was some sort of crush. I thought you’d get over the novelty of a fawning boyfriend by now.”

“Well, I was getting tempted, being denied so many times.”

He leaned back, placing his hands on his lap, holding his thighs. “Yeah, I thought that it was bothering you. I was just…” He stopped to think of the most accurate word possible.

“Scared?”

He blushed, deeper than his sex flushed face. “Yeah, I guess that sums it up pretty well. I guess I just didn’t want to disappoint you.”

“Tim.” She touched his chin and he looked at her. “No one, and I mean no one, is good their first time. But as far as first times go-“ She placed her other hand on his shoulder, twisting her body to the left. “You were pretty damn good.”

He rested his head on hers, trying to suppress his ridiculous, overly prideful grin. Usually he would rest it against her chest, right below her clavicle, without much thought. But right now he didn’t think it would have the same calming effect it usually did. Her laugh told him she realised this, too.

“Well, at least no one can call you boy virgin anymore.”

He laughed, his face slipping down.

* * *

It was only two weeks after they slept together that first time that he came over and saw her bags of chips and McDonald’s french fries and leftover Chinese food and… chocolate?

His stomach lurched.

He watched her face as she went back to her movie. Her skin was clear and smooth. Did she always look like this? Her eyes were puffy around the edges. Had she been crying?

He looked at her stomach. Granted she was wearing sweatpants, but she looked like she’d gained weight. He should know, he spent enough time staring at her, which he felt comfortable acknowledging now that they were dating.

She looked at him, a french fry half in her mouth. She bit it off and held the other half in her. “What is it?”

He opened his mouth but it just hung there.

But they used protection. He even studied videos and how to’s for days before. But condoms failed. Hundreds of babies were born every year because of failed condoms.

But she was on the pill. Wasn’t that like, ninety-nine percent effective? Could that have failed too? Did she forget to take them?

He took her hands in his. She leaned back, her chin tucking into her chest.

"I promise I’ll help take care of it. No, not help. That’s wrong. It’s as much my responsibility as it is yours.“

She stared at him with furrowed brows, her bottom lids squinting, and her mouth slightly open. "What are you talking about?”

He leaned back now, becoming fully aware of the fry smooshed between their hands. “You mean you’re not pregnant?”

She pulled her hands from him, her eyes wide. “What makes you think I’m pregnant?”

"Um, the odd food, the clear skin, and the small bit of weight-gain.“ He looked away from her, toward the food.

"Tim, it’s been two weeks. I’m PMSing.”

His face was hot. He felt dizzy. He couldn’t stop himself. “So you’re not pregnant?” Oh. My. God. Shut up. He put his hand over his eyes.

"No, Tim. It takes three months for a baby to show. I crave fast food when I’m on my period, and I feel gross, so I put on makeup.“

"Oh.”

And she was laughing. Really, really hard. Doubling over and convulsing laughing.

Tim sunk as far into the couch as humanly possible, wishing he could just turn into a remote.

* * *

“So when are you two getting married?”

Tim looked at Dick, his eyes half lidded. He was used to Dick saying stupid things. Asking if he needed condoms or date ideas, or a karma sutra book (which Tim was pretty sure was a joke, but it was Dick). Sometimes he expected him to appear at his window with a utility belt full of condoms.

"It’s been two years.“

"It’s technically been two years. It’s really been eight years.”

"It’s been two years, Dick.“

"Okay fine. It’s been two years. But why aren’t you two living together yet? Most couples are living together by now.”

Tim sighed, putting his pen down and looking at Dick. “We’re not moving in together just because it’s normal. I don’t care what you and Kori are doing.” He continued writing for a moment and put his pen back down. He sat up straight and looked at Dick. “Why are you being so intent about this?”

Dick leaned back, slinging his arm over the back of the loveseat. He looked relaxed at a glance, but his shoulders and bicep were tense and bouncing lightly.

"Dick. I don’t have time for this. You brought it up. Now talk.“

He waited another moment before putting his right foot on the ground and leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees. "All right, all right. You’re twenty-two.”

Tim stared at him.

"So that means Zee is twenty-seven.“

Dick sighed through his nose and leaned back, leaned forward again, holding his hands out, palms facing each other like he was miming holding up a box. "Zee’s at an age where most people tend to start wanting things like stability and families.”

Tim couldn’t breathe, but his outside remained unchanged, appearing completely nonchalant.

"And Zee especially has issues with people leaving her. She needs to know that that’s not gonna happen. Do you understand?“

Tim stared at him for a long moment, thinking. He turned back to his work. "All right. I understand. Can you please leave now?”

Dick frowned at him, his bottom lip coming just over his top, his cheeks puffed out just more than normal, just enough to be noticeable. “I miss my cute little brother.

Tim didn’t answer. His instinctive response was to argue with the word "cute”, but he knew Dick was joking. He’d become so obstinate for himself. Before he would have smiled and let Dick stay. Was it Zatanna who’d helped him over that hurdle, too? Was she the one that helped him to see that he could be more than the complacent mediator? After all, Dick hadn’t left him, either.

He had a family in Dick where he didn’t have it anywhere else. He had Zee, but her family was different. She was his love, one like he would never have again. The way he was with her was intimate, even when it was quietly so, as they sat on different sides of the room, doing their own things. Or exciting as they wrestled around as energy ran high. Or even as she scolded him for flinching as she applied medicine to his wounds and caused her to mess up, and then for laughing at her scolding.

When he was with Zee, he felt a swirling in his chest that flowed to the rest of his body.

With Dick he felt comfortable, complacent. When the two of them wrestled, he felt happy. His head filled with blood, but it was competitive and fun.

That word “brother” sent a warmth through him that wasn’t really warm. It wasn’t physical at all, but it made his shoulders relax. That’s where he felt Dick’s love. In his shoulders and down his back. He felt stability and strength, like he was being held up.

Dick was his family, like no one else was. Dick was the one who pushed him into everything he was now, in some way. Where would he be now without Dick? He didn’t want to think about it.

* * *

Tim stared at the mess on his bathroom counter. The hair stripper was so strong it was making his eyes burn, gloves covered in dye hang out of his trash can, and a huge spill made it look like someone had died on his counter.

"This isn’t why I gave you the key.“

"Oh calm down, boy wonder. I like it here.” It sounded like someone dumped a bucket of water when she run out her hair. “So did you come in here to chastise me or what?”

"I actually came in here to use the bathroom. But now I just want to clean.“

"Don’t get your panties in a twist. I got it. Gnilkraps nealc moorhtab.”

A blackish mist covered every surface and evaporated with the dye mess.

"Well, now I feel awkward about the freshly cleaned toilet.“

"Just go pee before I dye your hair.”

"All right, all right. Don’t get all PMS-y on me.“

She held the shower head over the top of the curtain, soaking him and the floor. He threw a dirty towel down.

"Well, looks like I have to get in with you now.” He started to remove his shirt when another blast came down.

"Oops. Looks like your clean. Leave now.“

"You don’t want me to come in?” He stared at the curtain, his mouth closed tight.

"You can see it after. When it’s dry. Now do your business and go.“

"Okay, okay. But if it looks good, you owe me for making me wait.”

She laughed. “Oh, like your going to tell me no if it’s not.”

"Hey, I have more control than that.“

She laughed again.

* * *

She walked out of the kitchen in one of the lacy underwear sets Kori helped her pick out, two glasses of wine, and deep, intense red hair falling over her shoulders.

"It’s not my birthday yet.“

She laughed and handed him a glass. "So you like it.”

"I feel like I’m dating Jessica Rabbit.“

"Oh, no. Sorry. Still Zatanna under here.”

"Yeah, that’s what I’m counting on.“

She grinned, leaning into him, resting against his shoulder while he played with her new hair.

"So why red?”

"It was Artemis’ idea. Something about red-headed bombshells. But I think she just likes to make Dick suffer with reminders of what he gave up. And I think having him see me with his little brother gives her extra glee.“

He made a small "mm” sound and let his hand drop.

She sat up and looked at him. “Tim?“ She sat back, one of her legs on the couch beside her. "I don’t have any lingering feelings for Dick.”

"I didn’t think you did.“

"Then look at me.”

He took a deep breath and did, and she kissed him before he saw more than a flash of red, which made him feel weird. He wasn’t looking forward to getting used to that.

"We’re just going to mess with him. Nothing more. He has no interest in me, and I’ve had no interest in him for seven years.“

"Seven?”

"That’s right.“

A year before the two of them started dating.

"Does that mean-?”

"I never said that.“

"But you just admitted-”

"I did nothing of the sort.“

"Don’t lie to me.”

"I should probably put on a shirt.“

"Don’t you dare!”

He pulled her back down and laced his fingers behind her to keep her there while she giggled and shrieked.

"You’ll wake the neighbors.“

"Oh, like we haven’t done that before.”

"You’re awful.“

* * *

Tim stared at the fire, reaching just above his head. He had his hands holding his crossed ankles so he wouldn’t topple over backwards. He just watched it, staring at it with his eyes wide enough that he was conscious of every blink.

What could it be like to be a flame? To be so free but trapped to a piece of wood? To be a source of fascination and enthrallment for thousands of years? To cause such terror to every living being, but to be so necessary to sustaining life? Humans are trying so hard to get away from it, to create other forms of heat, to escape into perfection. Because perfection can be controlled.

“What are you thinking about?”

Zatanna sat down beside him, handing him a plate of food, the paper collapsing under its weight.

He placed it on his lap, looking away from the fire, which wasn’t as tall as it was just before. “You, actually.”

“Aw, that’s so creepy.” She sat next to him, pulling her legs in by the ankles.

“No. I mean, you, the way you are. Just-” He looked back to the fire. “You.”

There was a pause where he felt her look from him to the fire to him in her arm.

“So what were you thinking about me?” She scooted closer to him, leaning in only centimeters closer than she was before.

“Just-” He paused to word his thoughts. “The way you’re you, the way you make it appear so seamless, even though you work so hard. I think it’s truly beautiful.”

She stared at him, he could feel her. "Tim, if you don’t stop flattering me like this, I’m going to assume you’re lying.”

He smiled softly, his finger running back and forth along the edge of his plate. “You’re losing your touch. I didn’t believe you at all.”

“More like i need a new toy.”

He leaned against her shoulder. She didn’t mean it. If she did she’d just say it. She wouldn’t beat around the bush. Besides, she held on too tightly to things just to let him go without so much thought it would be obvious even to Bart.

“Do you want to move in with me?”

He sat up, his back feeling suddenly very stiff. “Move in with you?”

She stared at the fire. “Well, we’re already together most of the week, and you’re living in a tiny apartment on a minimum wage budget, and my place is plenty big enough for both of us.”

“Yeah.”

She looked at him.

“Yeah, okay. I’ve actually wanted to live together for a while now. Just didn’t know how you’d respond.”

She smiled. “Then it’s settled. We’ll start packing as soon as we get back.”

* * *

Tim hated flying. It always made him feel sick, which he acknowledged as one of the oddest things in his life. Jumping from the top of the Eiffel Tower did little more than give him a thrill in the bottom of his stomach. But Red Robin, previous third Robin, was ruined by motion sickness. He never told anyone. Dick would never let him live it down.

Zatanna’s hand rubbed his back and he jumped. He’d let his guard down, put most of his concentration into keeping his composure.

His body responded to her hand, having gone through this process many times. She always knew when he wasn’t feeling well, even if it was something simple like an upset stomach.

He leaned forward, his chest touching his thighs. Her hand moved in large circles, the base of her palm pushing into the muscles, massaging him more than running a light hand for physical contact. Simple physical contact made him squirm.

She held out a breath mint for him.

"How did you know what the problem was?“ He turned the mint held between his thumb and pointer finger with his other hand.

"You always get motion sick. In the car, on the train, on a boat.” She counted on her fingers, pushing each on back with her other pointer.

He twirled the candy by the wrapper.

"Suck on it. It’ll make you feel better.“ She pushed his hand to his mouth.

"Yes, mum.”

She frowned and looked away, putting her chin on her wrist, her hand bent under.

"Zee?“

"Sorry, I’ve just been thinking about stuff. Eat your mint.”

He didn’t really think about it as he tried to figure out what was wrong with her. But all he picked up from her slouched shoulders, crossed legs, eyes that looked down to the right, and the way she moved her hands so her fingers were pressed against her lips was that she wasn’t going to explain. He looked back to the window as scenarios played through his head.

"How do you feel?“

He looked back at her. She was smiling, but it was small and her face was slack. It was easily one of her worst.

He realized he didn’t feel anything. He was fine. "How did that work?”

She shrugged. “No idea. It just does.”

"How did you know I get motion sick?“

"Well, you hide it well, but you hide it from logical, structured deduction. I don’t always follow that line of thought.”

"What do you mean?“

"You often follow deductive reasoning. You take this and that and conclude that this must be the answer. It’s very helpful and most of the time correct, but also very limiting. You miss abstract concepts and answers. My thoughts aren’t always linear. Sometimes I don’t even know how I know certain things. I have to stop and think back.

"And sometimes I can take a leap of faith and come up with an idea Bruce would just brush off. But then I turn out to be right and I get to gloat.” She let out a “haha”, quiet enough not to draw attention.

"I wish I could say I understood.”

She put a hand on his head. “It’s all right. I can’t expect you to know everything. That’s not a healthy expectation.” She put her hand back on her lap. “And to answer your question, you stare out the window.”

"I what?“

"You stare out the window. You never get lost in thought. You just people watch. You’re mind’s always active.”

He stared at her. She smiled at him and looked away.

He reached up and took a lock of hair, spinning it until it fell apart. She’d messed with it as the red grew out, making it look almost natural.

"What?“

He shrugged. "Just thinking about how beautiful you are.”

She smiled, putting her hand directly in the middle of his face and pushing him back.

* * *

“Can I talk to you? I’ll be home all day.”

Tim didn’t bother deleting the message as he ran for his car, his open paper pressed against his briefcase.

He found her in their room, staring out the winder, her arms wrapped around her stomach, her knees pulled up under the blanket. She didn’t look over when he came in. He didn’t even see any sign of her noticing.

He sat on the bed and placed his hand on her knee. She didn’t respond.

"Zee?“

She took a deep breath. "I want to break up.

He stared at her, his ears ringing.

"Zee, what’s wrong?”

"Nothing’s wrong, Tim. I just want to break up.“

He brought his hand up, putting it over his forehead. "Zee, we can talk about it. Just tell me what’s wrong.”

"What’s wrong is that I’m trying to break up and you’re not listening.“

It was getting louder. He pushed his hand against his ear. "You wouldn’t be doing this if something wasn’t wrong. I can’t make it better if I don’t know what it is.”

"This isn’t something you can just fix, Tim.“ She pulled her knee away from him and sat on the edge of the bed, still looking out the window. "You can’t just magically fix the world. Sometimes things just have to end.”

The sound was deafening now, growing even louder.

"Can you at least tell me why?“ He pressed his head in from both sides, trying to make the building pressure go away.

She sighed, turning her back to him. "I just don’t love you anymore.”

His world went silent, all at once. He just stared at her back as she stood up and walked to the door. She stopped there, with her hand on the door and her other crossed over her chest. “My stuff’s already packed and in Artemis’ truck. I’ll be staying there until my European tour.”

He watched her walk down the hall, his head going light. He fell back, his face going numb.

His hand found his phone before he realized he was reaching for it. He counted six rings before Dick answered.

"Hey, little bro. What’s the haps?“

"Dick?” He could hear the wetness in his voice already, or finally. “Can I come over?”

"Tim? Hold on, I’ll be there in a few minutes.“ He hung up.

Tim just stared at the ceiling, listening to the ringing, pretending it was music, and his would didn’t just end.

* * *

Tim heard the sound of beeping before his vision cleared. It sounded far off and whispered. He tried to sit up, his arms shaking under him. His body felt numb.

A hand pressed on his chest, making his arms give out and his body fall back, hard. A pain flared through him like lightning.

"Tt. What kind of an idiot almost gets himself killed by a low class robber?“

"Damian, go get some breakfast.”

There was a pause, then the door shut.

"He listened to you?“ Tim could barely hear his whisper above the strangely loud beeping and dripping. His body was squirming.

"He’s matured. You’d see that too if you came around sometime in the past five years.”

"No thanks.“

Dick sighed. He sat on the edge of the hospital bed. "What were you thinking, Tim? You got shot in a major artery. You almost died.”

"Sorry. Next time I’ll get shot somewhere safer. Maybe a leg.“

"Don’t play that game with me, Tim. I invented that game.” He stood back up. “Right now I’m being serious. Do you have some sort of death wish?”

"No, that’s not it.“

"Than what is it?” Dick started pacing, his footsteps fast, slightly uneven. “You throw yourself into work, exhaust yourself, get hurt, and then try to stop a bank robber? For gods sake, Tim, at least call for backup!” He stomped and pivoted, his shoe squeaking and making Tim squirm.

"I’m just-“ Dealing? No, far from that. He was miles away from healthy right now. "Coping.”

"You call this coping? Tim, you almost died, not through some horrible accident, but your own neglect. You never neglect anything. You’d water a cactus every day.“

"Bruce said-”

"Yeah, Bruce is the poster boy for mental health.“ He sat down at Tim’s feet. "I’m worried about you, Tim. Zatanna leaves and your life falls apart.” He slouched forward, resting his arms on his knees. “I know that you feel things deeply. But you can’t let one girl be the be all end all of your life. Not even one as amazing as Zee.”

"She’s all I had left, Dick.“

He pushed a breath of of his closed lips, making a "pfft” sound. “I think Alfred would kick your ass for saying that.” He sighed. “Look, Tim.” He put a hand on Tim’s knee. “You have people who love you and want to help you. Heck, even Damian was worried about you.”

Tim laughed.

"Hey, I told you he’s matured. But seriously Tim. You’re my little brother. I want you to be happy, healthy, and alive. Promise me you’ll let me help?“

"Dick-”

"Tim.“ There was his Batman.

"Fine.”

"Good.“ He smiled. "Now, I’ve scheduled you to run a training exercise once a week. You need social interaction.”

God damnit, Dick.

* * *

Tim slammed his hand on the wall, sending out a loud banging sound and distracting the gym full of screaming teenagers.

"Practice is over. Leave now.“

A few of them stared at him for a bit but eventually everyone filed out.

Tim walked over to the benches and put a water bottle on his forehead, sighing. Teenagers were too much sometimes, most of the time. He wasn’t one of those people who thought each generation after his was more and more the spawn of Satan, though their behavior slipped depending on how demonized discipline became. No, teenagers were too much when he was one. Perhaps that was why he fell in love with a woman so much older.

"Timothy, may I have a word?”

"Sure, Rae. Take a seat.“ Tim handed Raven a bottle of water that she held on her lap.

"I sense your unhappiness has not lessened in recent months. You are still very hurt.”

He stared at the wall, seeing nothing. “Have you ever been in love, Rae?”

"You know I cannot.“

"Well, it’s a lot like what you’re afraid of, except without the demon father trying to destroy everything.” He smiled.

He wondered why he and Raven weren’t friends. The two of them were very similar in many ways. Both calm, introverted, careful. Yet Raven had this centre to her that helped her understand people, past her empathy. Something completely different than the way he read people’s body language. She knew people. Tim still couldn’t describe it. But somehow he thought he understood it now. If he’d understood when Zatanna told him four months ago, would she still love him?

Raven waited for him to continue, to explain. She didn’t pressure him with her presence, didn’t make him feel like he had no choice but to open up to her. She simply waited there while you thought things out, and decided if you wanted to talk about them.

And she made herself available to you when you needed to talk. You never felt the pressure of having to go to her. And she did it for no other reason than because she felt the need to see everyone else happy. It really was no wonder so many people chose to turn to her when they felt they had no one else.

"When you love someone it’s not something that just goes away. I don’t think it ever really dies, not real love. And when you’re not loved in return, it hurts, it kills you. It’s like having the ground taken from below your feet and falling endlessly.“

"I envy you.”

He snorted and laid his head on his hands, propped up on his knees, for a long moment before looking sideways at her. “How so?”

She smiled lightly at him, her gaze on his lips. “I would happily suffer that pain if it were possible for me to feel the bliss of love.” She looked up at the ceiling. “Was it not a man with a broken heart that said ‘tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all’? Though I could be mistaken. I am not privileged to feel either.” She looked back at him.

Tim stared at her, his mind sifting through her words. She made things sound so simple. They weren’t, of course. But perhaps she was right in a way. He’d been regretting his relationship with Zatanna, and all those years of loving her. When it was simply him loving her without a sign of her returning his affections, there was never a moment when he thought ill of any of it. Now that he’d had her, he’d become spoilt.

"You’re very wise in unexpected ways.“

"Just because a person has felt love does not mean they understand it. And just because a person hasn’t, doesn’t mean they don’t.”

Tim looked at a boy standing in the doorway, staring at them. Raven followed his gaze and stood.

"I will be right there, Joseph.“ She turned back to Tim. "I hope you find your answer soon.”

She left after his nod and stopped with the boy that Tim now recognized as closer to his age than the rest of the team, at least twenty. He spoke to her briefly in sign language, asking if she was done, and she told him aloud that she was.

She handed him the water bottle and the two of them went on their way.

Maybe Dick was right, maybe it was time he started socializing again. With select people of course. He nearly shuddered when one of the teenagers walked past the door.

* * *

“Who’s that kid that’s been glaring at me for the past two days?”

Gar stared at him before looking around. “Who?”

"I wouldn’t ask when he was right there.“ Tim slouched down before finding himself very uncomfortable and sitting upright again. "I mean the Zatara impersonator.”

"Oh, you mean Zachary. That’s his nephew, Zatanna’s cousin.“ Gar pulled his lip back in a half-hearted sneer. "That guy’s got a bad attitude.”

Tim stared at him for a moment. “Should you really be drinking coffee?”

"Who do you think I am, Bart?“

"Hey!” Bart put his cup down and pointed at Gar. “I resent that. Caffeine has no effect on me due to my accelerated metabolism.”

Tim sipped from his own cup. “Mornings must suck for you.”

"Tell me about it!“ Bart threw his hands in the air, some of his coffee spilling, which he ignored. "Mornings are awful. Super speed does not mean super wake up time.”

"Mari!“ Gar jumped up and over the table, switching into the half monkey form he’d all but ditched a few years ago.

Kori let go of the five-year-old who’d nearly broke from her grasp to get to "unk Gar”.

"How do you handle her? I don’t think I could.“

Kori sat next to him. "It helps to have Dick around on his days off. And when I have to do a shoot or an interview I can just bring her here. Garfield will be a wonderful father when the time comes.”

"So you and Dick are still getting along then?“

She looked at him. "We have our problems, of course, what couple doesn’t? But ignoring them doesn’t help. Not that Dick ever could. He can’t stand to see a problem go unfixed.

"So he never runs away from his problems.”

Mari shrieked and Tim shot up. Kori grabbed his hand and pulled him back down.

"She is playing.“

"Oh.”

Kori laughed. “You worry too much. Perhaps if you were to calm yourself and learn to take things as they come, each misfortune would not be a tragedy for you.

Tim raised his brow. "I’m getting advice on serenity from the girl who blew up the TV because the main couple broke up?”

Kori laughed loudly, tilting her head back. “What Dick has not taught me, Mari has. You earthlings are so interesting. So many of you are so disconnected from your emotions. You shame and idolize them at the same time. You treat knowledge as godliness, yet you separate it almost entirely from emotion.” She placed her hands in her lap. “And you refer to ‘serenity’ as the near absence of emotion, instead of the ability to live peacefully with it.”

"Well, I’m just being taken to school by everyone lately, aren’t I?“

"There is nothing wrong with accepting a different point-of-view and growing from it. I have learnt much from earth in my years here, and I have never once been shamed for it. It is what makes us grow as people.”

"Maybe I should talk to Zatanna.“

"Oh no you don’t.”

Tim turned around, leaning over the back of the couch. It was Zachary.

"What do you want?“

"You’re going to leave my cousin alone. You hurt her enough.”

"Okay, kid. What are you talking about?“

"You found out Zatanna was pregnant and you left. You’re the scum of the earth.”

Tim’s ears were ringing. It took him two tries to get out the word “pregnant”, the first time only managing an awkward gaping.

"Zachary!“ Kori stood up, towering over Zachary by more than a foot. That was not what happened, and this is not your place.”

Tim stood up, bumping into Kori and falling back down. “Zee’s pregnant?”

"You didn’t know?“ Zachary stared at him, his shoulders falling slack.

Tim looked at Kori. "Artemis will know where she is, right? I have to find Artemis.” He stood up again, then sat back down, putting his face in his hands. “It’s Monday. Artemis is still in school until four.”

"Unk Tim?“ Mari put her hand on his knee.

Tim stared at her for a very long moment where she just stared back silently, watching him with very big eyes. He pulled her onto his lap and hugged her. "I’m okay. Thanks.” He dearly hoped.

* * *

Tim paced outside Artemis’ house for several minutes before knocking on her door. Maybe he should have thought this through more. Maybe he should have taken some time to calm down. No, how could he calm down without talking to Zatanna first?

But if he didn’t take a breath before Artemis opened the door, he might cry. That wouldn’t help the situation.

He heard her voice through the open window beside him. “The door’s open.”

He took his breath before opening the door to the sound of loud giggling.

Oh god.

Zatanna stood up quickly, her hand going to her very fat stomach. Her pregnant stomach. her stomach with a baby in it.

Oh god. Zee was pregnant, with a baby.

"Tim.“ Oh god. "What are you doing here?”

"I was looking for you. You didn’t tell me where you moved, so…“ He couldn’t stop looking at it.

She turned a bit away from him. "Yeah. We haven’t spoken much.”

Or at all. “I noticed.”

"It’s not yours.“

"What?” He looked up at her face.

"No, I didn’t mean- I mean- It is yours. I was just gonna say it wasn’t. But now that you’re here, and it’s yours.“

There was a long, long awkward pause where Tim wasn’t aware of Artemis’ leaving the room.

"Why weren’t you going to tell me?” Tim wasn’t going to fool himself into thinking she was planning to. She was at least six, if not seven months along.

"Oh god.“ She was near whispering, but her voice was so naturally loud it was still audible from where she was on the other side of the room. "I thought I was ready for this, but I’m not.”

"Ready for what? A baby?“

"No.” She took a breath. “No. For this, this talk. Oh god. I need a drink.”

"You can’t drink with a baby!“

"I know, Tim!”

Artemis brought in a tray with two mugs, two spoons, some milk, and honey. She set it down on the table, made Zee sit, then went over to Tim and made him do the same.

She handed him a mug. “This is a tea recipe I learnt from my mum. It’s made for pregnant women to help calm nerves, ease pain, and induce sleep. I figured you need some too.”

Tim drank. He didn’t know if it was the tea or the power of suggestion, but he already felt more calm.

"Thank you.“

Zatanna had already put her finished mug down on the tray. "I need to use the bathroom.” She nearly ran, managing an awkward waddle.

"So how are you dealing?“

"Dealing?”

"So not so well?“

"I just found out my ex-girlfriend’s pregnant. How do you deal with that?”

"Well, first you calm down. Drink some more tea.“ She put the cup back in his hands.

He obeyed, not really moving on his own but letting his body mechanically follow instructions.

"Now. When did you find out?”

"Earlier today. That Zachary kid told me.“

"Oh god, Zachary.” Artemis pushed her palms into her eyes. “That kid is such a brat.”

"Yeah. He accused me of getting Zee pregnant and running out on her.“

"Well no wonder you’re so shocked. I’m gonna tear that kid a new one.”

"Why didn’t she tell me?“

Artemis stared at him. Sorry kid. You’re gonna have to ask her that.”

The silence after lasted a while before Zatanna came back in. She sat down on the couch next to Artemis. “I’m sorry, Tim.”

He looked at her, not even wanting to think about her apology. “How far are you?”

"I just entered my third trimester.“

"Oh.”

There was silence again.

"So is this why you broke up with me?“

Zatanna sighed, putting a hand over one eye. "Yes.”

"Why?“

"Because, Tim. I can’t do it. Not again.

"Do what? Be with me?”

"No, Tim. Be a family!“ She was yelling. "Every time I think of you and I think of her, I think of my dad, and I can’t go through that again!”

Artemis walked back in with another mug of tea. Tim had missed her leaving again.

"So you’re going to cut it off at the source. You’re going to run away scared? You’re going to hide because you’re scared I may someday leave?“

"Tim. Stop.” Artemis was standing up to interfere.

"Zatanna, I have loved you for ten years. If I were going to run, don’t you think I’d have done it by now? Don’t you think I had the perfect chance when you dumped me and left me with no clue as to your whereabouts? I respected your decision then, even when I knew you were lying about not loving me. But if you think you’re getting rid of me when I know we’ve got a kid, then this pregnancy is rotting your brain!“

Zatanna and Artemis stared at him until his breathing returned to normal and he collapsed onto the chair. He pushed his palms into his eyes. His vision turned white and colourful.

"I’m sorry. That’s not what I wanted to say at all.” He took several long, deep breaths. “I just- I don’t understand. This isn’t like you at all. Running away from your problems. Lying. All those years, all those words about having people you can trust, about how you can’t keep everything inside. You always take charge and don’t let anyone mess with you. But you run into one possibility that you might get hurt and you turn tail and run. What is this?”

He looked at her. She was crying simple tears. There was no movement, not sounds. Just tears falling.

"Zatanna. I don’t want to leave you. I’m not your dad. I couldn’t leave you alone. I know he did it to protect you. I know. But you don’t need that kind of protection anymore. You’re not fourteen. You’re a woman and in a fight you can handle yourself. Hell, you can handle yourself in any situation.“

She laughed, the sound wet.

"I’m not going to force you into anything. I want to be part of this kids life, and I want to be with you, really with you. And not just because of the kid. I love you, Zatanna. And I will never, never leave you.”

She gripped her hands in front of her mouth, holding back her sobs.

Tim held a hand out to her.

She looked at it for a moment, blinking away her tears. By all means she should be unattractive. But she was beautiful.

She took it and he held her, tightly, desperately, like she was about to disappear on him.

"I love you Zatanna.“ He kissed wherever his lips went through her hair. "I will never, never leave you. I swear on everything I am.”

She cried.


End file.
